"You Are Beautiful!"

While surfing the net, my eyes in scan and scroll mode was stopped dead in it's tracks by a rather odd looking girl with lavender hair and rather strikingly large eyes, as curiosity prompted me to read further, I saw that a young girl named Shae at a performing arts school in Chicago, Illinois armed with nothing but her camera and good intention sought her way on a bit of a social experiment, she stopped random individuals and got them to pose in front of her lens, once on camera, she told them “I'm taking pictures of things I find beautiful!” (gasp) Can you imagine how this sounds to someone having a bad day or perhaps someone with damaged self esteem? She received the most humbling and genuine reactions from both men and women alike showing how much of an impact being complimented transcends gender lines and affects our state of being the same universally.

In 2012 Forbes magazine had an article that stated “receiving a compliment has the same positive effect as receiving cash” Professor Norihiro Sadato, of National Institute for Physiological Science said that “to the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being rewarded money.” With this being said, humans, both men and women, put a significant amount of effort into their appearance however the standards of the modern definition of what “beauty” looks like are not always necessarily present in everyone. The efforts we make to “appear” more attractive is someone inn hopes of perhaps changing how others see us. I of course, researched this topic further to see exactly what differences compliments had on men and then women. Significant difference in self perceived attractiveness of the genders was present with no surprise of women scoring much lower than men in this area possibly because of the societal pressures affecting women's self-esteem issues stemming from being more body conscious and a higher report of body dissatisfaction. Women have also been found to be more sensitive to the feedback of those around them, so when told “you are beautiful” even when they probably didn't feel beautiful, their reactions were all similar. Happiness. Men however seem to be more oblivious to how others judge them and especially their bodies which leads us to having higher self images and less care in trying to make positive impressions. My readings show that because of this, men are not as affected by compliments as much as women which I do not completely agree with because judging by the reactions of the video, I would say it was a 50/50 split with some males showing overwhelming expressions of gratitude and happiness while others were delayed responses and much more subdued. I noticed that some reactions, both male and female did not receive the compliments very well and one female was very irate and threatening. I asked myself why? This could be either of two reasons, when people lack self esteem they may question where compliments are genuine and true. Another reason they may not openly receive the compliments is that even though the subjects photographed were multicultural, some cultures may view compliments as prideful or boasting.

I have watched this video a few times and I must admit that after the first time I watched it, tear formed in my eye. I noticed and related to quite a few of the subjects being photographed and could empathize with being the overweight kid that no one wanted to date and can imagine how welcoming and affirming hearing “you are beautiful” must have sounded. I can relate to the guy who was “different” he had painted fingernails and at first seemed to question her statement as if he was waiting on the “punch line” of some cruel joke but then displayed a huge smile as well as the other African American male who seemed to become “himself” more open and relaxed when he received the “you are beautiful” statement. Though some studies will try and convince you that men do not receive compliments well as it threatens a sense of “masculinity”, I strongly disagree. Whether male or female, everyone essentially wants to feel welcomed, know that they matter and that they are seen and accepted. I believe if you can go a step further and make people feel great about themselves then you have served mankind well. I'm reminded of a quote by the late Dr. Maya Angelou that says “People may forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel!” I am sure these people will long remember how Shae made them feel long behind their school days.

I was still very perplexed as to why the young girl reacted so harshly to being called “beautiful” my question was perhaps was she in a bad mood that day or did she genuinely feel as if the comment was disingenuous? I began to think that could it be that perhaps people react to kindness in one of two ways and perhaps in in both ways. When being treated kindly, both male and female can react with gratitude, truly grateful for the act of kindness or in this case, the compliment. They will accept the gesture as good will and feel warmer towards the person however on the flip side, if it is not received well by the receiver, it could be taken as becoming indebted to the person offering the kindness as if they now “owe” the person something for the compliment or act of kindness, both genders have expressed this and agree that in some cases a sense of obligation is transferred when kindness if received. In retrospect, looking at the girl, she does look as if she could be thinking “so now what do you want!?” or “what do I owe you for that compliment”

In general, I feel universally speaking, men and women receive compliments warmly with perhaps varying waves of expression but with the genuine root feeling of gratitude. This video is an amazing example of how different people, different genders, different circumstances all share a similar reaction when told that they are “beautiful.'

#selfesteem #kindess #beautiful